You are SO right !!!! Life is too short to think you can "fix" someone. (Sure, try to help ANYONE, but you know what I mean.)
Concentrate your efforts on the good ones. There are enough obstacles to EVERY potential relationship, even with people of sterling character on both sides.
As Jimmy Buffet said it in his book, A Pirate Looks at Forty, : A**holes are born that way, and they don't usually change."
-CG-
Quoting Conyersguy
Shaz,
You are SO right !!!! Life is too short to think you can "fix" someone. (Sure, try to help ANYONE, but you know what I mean.)
Concentrate your efforts on the good ones. There are enough obstacles to EVERY potential relationship, even with people of sterling character on both sides.
As Jimmy Buffet said it in his book, A Pirate Looks at Forty, : A**holes are born that way, and they don't usually change."
AHHHHH thanks you guys. Now...where are those "calendar boys" you both promised me ??? lol
Quoting michael_080
Shaz,
YOU are very wise! You covered, quite concisely, the whole of the matter. What you've learned is what you'd hope that every woman would learn in life. The sooner, the better (for her).
Thank you for sharing as you did. Very profound wisdom. You've obviously lived your life in conscious awareness. That's rare. It personally makes me happy to see that.
Much love and peace, Michael
Quoting michael_080
Shaz,
YOU are very wise! You covered, quite concisely, the whole of the matter. What you've learned is what you'd hope that every woman would learn in life. The sooner, the better (for her).
Thank you for sharing as you did. Very profound wisdom. You've obviously lived your life in conscious awareness. That's rare. It personally makes me happy to see that.
Much love and peace, Michael
AHHHHH thanks you guys. Now...where are those "calendar boys" you both promised me ??? lol
You are SO right !!!! Life is too short to think you can "fix" someone. (Sure, try to help ANYONE, but you know what I mean.)
Concentrate your efforts on the good ones. There are enough obstacles to EVERY potential relationship, even with people of sterling character on both sides.
As Jimmy Buffet said it in his book, A Pirate Looks at Forty, : A**holes are born that way, and they don't usually change."
-CG-
Shaz,
You are SO right !!!! Life is too short to think you can "fix" someone. (Sure, try to help ANYONE, but you know what I mean.)
Concentrate your efforts on the good ones. There are enough obstacles to EVERY potential relationship, even with people of sterling character on both sides.
As Jimmy Buffet said it in his book, A Pirate Looks at Forty, : A**holes are born that way, and they don't usually change."
I had a REALLY bad man early on in my life ,shortly after exiting a 6 year relationship. I am glad now that I learned those important lessons in my mid 20's.
Abusive alcoholics are about as bad as it gets.They are cruel, manipulative,totally self-absorbed and cannot have any sort of real relationship.
I learned that I can not save a person,,its not my duty and was never my goal.I wasnt to blame for his problems, though he attempted to convince me that everything was my fault.
Specifically I learned that a person with healthy self esteem will not tolerate being abused for any reason. And I do have a healthy self esteem.
There are LOTS of good men around and I meet them all the time. There are also lots of players and jerks and i meet them all the time too.
The difference is that I pay close attention to red flags, i am merciless in weeding out those unsuitable.
More importantly, I KNOW myself and what i want in a mate. Ive been lucky to have some good men and some great men in my adult life.
If you keep attracting lousy men into your own life, then I would gently suggest that the real problem is inside of you first and foremost. What is it inside of you that wants to be abused ?
I know that once I was forced to face my OWN need to " be a savior" or that " good woman who turned a man around" i became MUCH happier.
and one last thing that really IS important and does work...... internet meeting ,on sites such as this one,give all a GREAT opportunity to interact at a pretty intimate level without investing too much time or enegry. You can see how a person behaves, what they value, how they interact with others, and how they express themselves. Those are ALL very important clues and should be the basis of an " attraction that leads to a meeting" I can tell with a large degree of accuracy who will be good for me and who will not
I had a REALLY bad man early on in my life ,shortly after exiting a 6 year relationship. I am glad now that I learned those important lessons in my mid 20's.
Abusive alcoholics are about as bad as it gets.They are cruel, manipulative,totally self-absorbed and cannot have any sort of real relationship.
I learned that I can not save a person,,its not my duty and was never my goal.I wasnt to blame for his problems, though he attempted to convince me that everything was my fault.
Specifically I learned that a person with healthy self esteem will not tolerate being abused for any reason. And I do have a healthy self esteem.
There are LOTS of good men around and I meet them all the time. There are also lots of players and jerks and i meet them all the time too.
The difference is that I pay close attention to red flags, i am merciless in weeding out those unsuitable.
More importantly, I KNOW myself and what i want in a mate. Ive been lucky to have some good men and some great men in my adult life.
If you keep attracting lousy men into your own life, then I would gently suggest that the real problem is inside of you first and foremost. What is it inside of you that wants to be abused ?
I know that once I was forced to face my OWN need to " be a savior" or that " good woman who turned a man around" i became MUCH happier.
and one last thing that really IS important and does work...... internet meeting ,on sites such as this one,give all a GREAT opportunity to interact at a pretty intimate level without investing too much time or enegry. You can see how a person behaves, what they value, how they interact with others, and how they express themselves. Those are ALL very important clues and should be the basis of an " attraction that leads to a meeting" I can tell with a large degree of accuracy who will be good for me and who will not
@rmac - A lovely compliment, thank you. Humor, for me, is essential in life. Yet, it is all in the manner we choose to use it and see it that can define our our personality and how others see us. I'm not one to tell jokes simply because I can never remember, effectively, the important "punch line" .... but, I love playful humor used in a good way .... loving mischief can be a part of that, I think..... so many forget, or, possibly leave behind those aspects of a loving relationship .... That little boy / little girl thing I speak of frequently .... makes life interesting, don't you think?
@rmac - A lovely compliment, thank you. Humor, for me, is essential in life. Yet, it is all in the manner we choose to use it and see it that can define our our personality and how others see us. I'm not one to tell jokes simply because I can never remember, effectively, the important "punch line" .... but, I love playful humor used in a good way .... loving mischief can be a part of that, I think..... so many forget, or, possibly leave behind those aspects of a loving relationship .... That little boy / little girl thing I speak of frequently .... makes life interesting, don't you think?
" My parents were married for 52 years. My Mother's first marriage and my Father's second marriage. I asked them both that day, whether they considered each other to be "a good man" and "a good woman". They both looked at each other and laughed. My Mother patted my Father's knee and said .... Well, he's been good enough to keep". My Father, being the rogue type he is, looked at me and said .... She kept me, that's good enough for me ...... "
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A lot of wisdom here. Also sense of humor, acceptance, and mischief. I especially like "the rogue type he is."
rmac
Quoting Willowwind:
" My parents were married for 52 years. My Mother's first marriage and my Father's second marriage. I asked them both that day, whether they considered each other to be "a good man" and "a good woman". They both looked at each other and laughed. My Mother patted my Father's knee and said .... Well, he's been good enough to keep". My Father, being the rogue type he is, looked at me and said .... She kept me, that's good enough for me ...... "
===============
A lot of wisdom here. Also sense of humor, acceptance, and mischief. I especially like "the rogue type he is."
My Mother once told me that "a good man" is defined a thousand (or more) ways because each woman has their own definition, just as each man has his definition of "a good woman". In both cases, that definition is predicated on experience, both good and bad. We share our definitions with others, but, the ultimate definition is still a complete personal choice. It doesn't take years to gain experience. One "good or bad" one is experience. One person may have more times to experience one or the other, regardless of age, and, another might have only one experience (good or bad), regardless of age. We have all heard the phrase "with age comes experience". That is true in many situations. But consider, a woman who was married for 20 years that finds herself in the "singles world" has experience with one man for 20 years. A woman of 30 has 5 relationships that were bad and one that is good. Who has more experience?
One of my Father's most memorable little "sit downs" with me, after a bad experience, is " If you don't know WHAT ISN'T, how will you know WHAT IS when it comes your way?" My parents were married for 52 years. My Mother's first marriage and my Father's second marriage. I asked them both that day, whether they considered each other to be "a good man" and "a good woman". They both looked at each other and laughed. My Mother patted my Father's knee and said .... Well, he's been good enough to keep". My Father, being the rogue type he is, looked at me and said .... She kept me, that's good enough for me ......
So, here I am in the "over 50" bunch looking for that "good man". And, personally, I've had more experience with the bad than the good because I'm still looking. No "fault" being laid here, just bad choices for me (another topic - bad choices) and, yes, some was my fault for the bad fit, not just choice. But, ya know, I hear every day of people finding "the good one". So, I look at it this way, there must be some good ones still out here if people keep finding them. It could be someone like me who just hasn't found the "keeper", or it could be a man with 20 years experience with a woman he stayed with for one reason or another (that goes both ways for women out here) and decided to break away from the bad and look for the good. I'm open to both, the one with too much experience, or, the one with one experience, as long as he's a keeper to me and I a keeper to him. There aren't any "tricks" to finding one, ie, trying to be what you think men/women want, or, what you see others doing who found their "good one". Use that tactic and you will find yourself looking a long time with a personal trait wardrobe that fills your personality closet. Be yourself. Hopefully a man out here will think I'm a good one and all the other facets of life will fit well and we can be the ones sitting and laughing together when asked the question ..... Are you a good man/woman, a keeper?
Thanks for the reminder, Michael !!
My Mother once told me that "a good man" is defined a thousand (or more) ways because each woman has their own definition, just as each man has his definition of "a good woman". In both cases, that definition is predicated on experience, both good and bad. We share our definitions with others, but, the ultimate definition is still a complete personal choice. It doesn't take years to gain experience. One "good or bad" one is experience. One person may have more times to experience one or the other, regardless of age, and, another might have only one experience (good or bad), regardless of age. We have all heard the phrase "with age comes experience". That is true in many situations. But consider, a woman who was married for 20 years that finds herself in the "singles world" has experience with one man for 20 years. A woman of 30 has 5 relationships that were bad and one that is good. Who has more experience?
One of my Father's most memorable little "sit downs" with me, after a bad experience, is " If you don't know WHAT ISN'T, how will you know WHAT IS when it comes your way?" My parents were married for 52 years. My Mother's first marriage and my Father's second marriage. I asked them both that day, whether they considered each other to be "a good man" and "a good woman". They both looked at each other and laughed. My Mother patted my Father's knee and said .... Well, he's been good enough to keep". My Father, being the rogue type he is, looked at me and said .... She kept me, that's good enough for me ......
So, here I am in the "over 50" bunch looking for that "good man". And, personally, I've had more experience with the bad than the good because I'm still looking. No "fault" being laid here, just bad choices for me (another topic - bad choices) and, yes, some was my fault for the bad fit, not just choice. But, ya know, I hear every day of people finding "the good one". So, I look at it this way, there must be some good ones still out here if people keep finding them. It could be someone like me who just hasn't found the "keeper", or it could be a man with 20 years experience with a woman he stayed with for one reason or another (that goes both ways for women out here) and decided to break away from the bad and look for the good. I'm open to both, the one with too much experience, or, the one with one experience, as long as he's a keeper to me and I a keeper to him. There aren't any "tricks" to finding one, ie, trying to be what you think men/women want, or, what you see others doing who found their "good one". Use that tactic and you will find yourself looking a long time with a personal trait wardrobe that fills your personality closet. Be yourself. Hopefully a man out here will think I'm a good one and all the other facets of life will fit well and we can be the ones sitting and laughing together when asked the question ..... Are you a good man/woman, a keeper?
@Michael: Yes you are a RARE Jewel. Men like you are either hiding somewhere or completely Extinct. I've met more Bad men than Good Men. And even though I've felt and known more hate than love, I still believe in love and I do believe... "There are still a few Men who love desperately..." ~J.D Salinger
@Michael: Yes you are a RARE Jewel. Men like you are either hiding somewhere or completely Extinct. I've met more Bad men than Good Men. And even though I've felt and known more hate than love, I still believe in love and I do believe... "There are still a few Men who love desperately..." ~J.D Salinger
