How do you deal with it when the dating blues strike? How do you pick yourself up and move forward when it seems there is not one single soul in the world who is your match? I just withdraw for a while. Regather myself until I forget my disappointment and have the energy and hope to try again. If you haven't guessed, I'm in the midst of dating blues right now. Every time I think I've met someone really great, something goes awry. Emotionally, mentally, I'm ready for a big change in my life, but it seems life isn't ready to bring me anything new or different. If this is just too depressing, I'm sorry. I'll get over it, but just now I want to know how many other people go through this,and what do you do to get out of it?
How do you deal with it when the dating blues strike? How do you pick yourself up and move forward when it seems there is not one single soul in the world who is your match? I just withdraw for a while. Regather myself until I forget my disappointment and have the energy and hope to try again. If you haven't guessed, I'm in the midst of dating blues right now. Every time I think I've met someone really great, something goes awry. Emotionally, mentally, I'm ready for a big change in my life, but it seems life isn't ready to bring me anything new or different. If this is just too depressing, I'm sorry. I'll get over it, but just now I want to know how many other people go through this,and what do you do to get out of it?
Love without holding back, do not let fear or anger destroy your relationships, laugh often and without reserve, do work that you love, play hard and fair, be generous with your time and attention--it is more precious then platinum, talk out your problems with those who matter most to you, be honest with yourself and with others, try to be kind to all and live as if each moment you will be called to your maker the next. God bless you and good love to you!
Ghorn, your right, generally one evening is NOT enough of a break, but for me its like that old saying, if you fall off the horse, get right back on. Its very true. I know that if I take too long a break, I run the risk of letting my fears take over entirely. I'd rather blow through a lot of quality men on my way to self improvement, to overcoming my fears, then not be able to improve myself because I don't have the knowledge base to do. I am making progress. I have been in very abusive relationships, but I do believe I deserve better. There is something about abusive people that enables them to convince the person they are abusing that it is some how deserved. Anyway, I am gaining confidence every day, and every time I 'blow through' a 'quality' guy, I get better at recognizing what I thought was quality was my wishful thinking and his fronting. I'm also getting better at recognizing truly good guys. Eventually, I will get over my fear entirely. I'm getting there, eventually, a quality guy will come along who will get all the benefit of my efforts to improve. I feel a new blog topic coming on.....
Ghorn, your right, generally one evening is NOT enough of a break, but for me its like that old saying, if you fall off the horse, get right back on. Its very true. I know that if I take too long a break, I run the risk of letting my fears take over entirely. I'd rather blow through a lot of quality men on my way to self improvement, to overcoming my fears, then not be able to improve myself because I don't have the knowledge base to do. I am making progress. I have been in very abusive relationships, but I do believe I deserve better. There is something about abusive people that enables them to convince the person they are abusing that it is some how deserved. Anyway, I am gaining confidence every day, and every time I 'blow through' a 'quality' guy, I get better at recognizing what I thought was quality was my wishful thinking and his fronting. I'm also getting better at recognizing truly good guys. Eventually, I will get over my fear entirely. I'm getting there, eventually, a quality guy will come along who will get all the benefit of my efforts to improve. I feel a new blog topic coming on.....
Love without holding back, do not let fear or anger destroy your relationships, laugh often and without reserve, do work that you love, play hard and fair, be generous with your time and attention--it is more precious then platinum, talk out your problems with those who matter most to you, be honest with yourself and with others, try to be kind to all and live as if each moment you will be called to your maker the next. God bless you and good love to you!
I don't know if it is dating you need to take a break from or dating websites. I don't know how much luck you have but I don't have a lot. I don't care how much a man makes. That does not make him good looking, sexy or a nice guy. I think with dating websites it is difficult to get passed the looks. I wish that there was a way to get everyone together that lives in a particular area and have a giant get together. I think people need to look deeper than looks. I will be the first to agree that you need a physical attraction with someone but if you think someone is cute just get to know them a little don't hurry and write and ask for 10 more pictures of themselves because that doesn't say much about the person asking. I don't think people have the right intentions on dating websites. They need to be more open minded. This is not fast food restaurant where you can place an order and get what you want in a minute. Take some time and really get to know someone.
I don't know if it is dating you need to take a break from or dating websites. I don't know how much luck you have but I don't have a lot. I don't care how much a man makes. That does not make him good looking, sexy or a nice guy. I think with dating websites it is difficult to get passed the looks. I wish that there was a way to get everyone together that lives in a particular area and have a giant get together. I think people need to look deeper than looks. I will be the first to agree that you need a physical attraction with someone but if you think someone is cute just get to know them a little don't hurry and write and ask for 10 more pictures of themselves because that doesn't say much about the person asking. I don't think people have the right intentions on dating websites. They need to be more open minded. This is not fast food restaurant where you can place an order and get what you want in a minute. Take some time and really get to know someone.
Given that you and I have never met, you have absolutely no reason to listen to what I'm saying. Your decision to take a break from dating seems right on target, and perhaps something longer than an evening may be more appropriate. Based on your posts, you apparently know that your dating life will not improve until you've addressed some of your core beliefs about people and relationships. And that could mean taking a long hiatus from dating while you work on yourself, because ANY person you meet at this point is unlikely to work out for you. Instead of continuing to bang your head against a brick wall, suffering from the "dating blues", perhaps your time would be better spent looking for the "door". I've had the "educational and character building experience" of knowing and dating women that had some abusive elements in their past. The common theme, regardless of the details or type of abuse, was these women had an altered sense of deservingness. Regardless of how kind, loving, supportative, etc. a man is, often these women don't feel they deserve it, and it can even mutate into the belief that those behaviors don't really exist in real life (movies, yes; real life, no). I learned a long time ago, in life you don't get what you WANT, you don't get what you DESERVE, you get what's FAMILIAR. You get what you believe is true for you at a deep, subconscious level. And until your subconscious mind has changed to embrace the NEW beliefs, you will continue to suffer the "curse of the familiar". We ususally see this with lottery winners (and professional atheletes). The studies show they tend to end up worse off than they were before the windfall. At a subconscious level, the $50 MM prize winner still sees himself as Bob-the-baker, or Susy-homemaker, not as someone now worth $50MM. It's something that HAPPENED to them, not who they ARE. So, the subconscious gets busy changing their external reality to match what's FAMILIAR. The statistics on NFL, NBA, and MLB players who are broke within a few years of retirement are staggering. I've watched many women complain they want a great man and they're tired of jerks. But, deep down they don't believe it. In your case, it appears you already know that until you've changed those core beliefs about what is REAL for you, you will just blow through quality men.
Given that you and I have never met, you have absolutely no reason to listen to what I'm saying. Your decision to take a break from dating seems right on target, and perhaps something longer than an evening may be more appropriate. Based on your posts, you apparently know that your dating life will not improve until you've addressed some of your core beliefs about people and relationships. And that could mean taking a long hiatus from dating while you work on yourself, because ANY person you meet at this point is unlikely to work out for you. Instead of continuing to bang your head against a brick wall, suffering from the "dating blues", perhaps your time would be better spent looking for the "door". I've had the "educational and character building experience" of knowing and dating women that had some abusive elements in their past. The common theme, regardless of the details or type of abuse, was these women had an altered sense of deservingness. Regardless of how kind, loving, supportative, etc. a man is, often these women don't feel they deserve it, and it can even mutate into the belief that those behaviors don't really exist in real life (movies, yes; real life, no). I learned a long time ago, in life you don't get what you WANT, you don't get what you DESERVE, you get what's FAMILIAR. You get what you believe is true for you at a deep, subconscious level. And until your subconscious mind has changed to embrace the NEW beliefs, you will continue to suffer the "curse of the familiar". We ususally see this with lottery winners (and professional atheletes). The studies show they tend to end up worse off than they were before the windfall. At a subconscious level, the $50 MM prize winner still sees himself as Bob-the-baker, or Susy-homemaker, not as someone now worth $50MM. It's something that HAPPENED to them, not who they ARE. So, the subconscious gets busy changing their external reality to match what's FAMILIAR. The statistics on NFL, NBA, and MLB players who are broke within a few years of retirement are staggering. I've watched many women complain they want a great man and they're tired of jerks. But, deep down they don't believe it. In your case, it appears you already know that until you've changed those core beliefs about what is REAL for you, you will just blow through quality men.
These were men I met in real life and started a relationship with.
They were not jerks...they were good men,,otherwise I would not have bothered at all.
I do get tired of people saying one thing but not being truthful about their intentions. Sure, not everyone we meet will click but these guys did. They called, they traveled to see me,,,we had a great time. ETC.
Who knows what motivates other people. I only know what motivates me. Wishy washy men DO NOT motivate me at all. Blarg. Oh well.
Quoting LaNegrita12
Shazbot - WOW three in one year. Is that just talking and chattiing or are you actually meeting these guys? I can see that as very draining. The candy store analogy is a good one. I see this online deal as a bit like a 7-11. I mean, you can find what you're looking for, but if it doesn't seem exactly right, you can run right out and get a new one. What I worry about is that we're not talking about Slurpees but people. cHow disposible are online-based relationships? When do BOTH parties decide that they are going to lay aside the keyboard and give it a real go? Ooooo that's a good blog topic. I'm off to write!
Quoting LaNegrita12
Shazbot - WOW three in one year. Is that just talking and chattiing or are you actually meeting these guys? I can see that as very draining. The candy store analogy is a good one. I see this online deal as a bit like a 7-11. I mean, you can find what you're looking for, but if it doesn't seem exactly right, you can run right out and get a new one. What I worry about is that we're not talking about Slurpees but people. cHow disposible are online-based relationships? When do BOTH parties decide that they are going to lay aside the keyboard and give it a real go? Ooooo that's a good blog topic. I'm off to write!
These were men I met in real life and started a relationship with.
They were not jerks...they were good men,,otherwise I would not have bothered at all.
I do get tired of people saying one thing but not being truthful about their intentions. Sure, not everyone we meet will click but these guys did. They called, they traveled to see me,,,we had a great time. ETC.
Who knows what motivates other people. I only know what motivates me. Wishy washy men DO NOT motivate me at all. Blarg. Oh well.
Shazbot - WOW three in one year. Is that just talking and chattiing or are you actually meeting these guys? I can see that as very draining. The candy store analogy is a good one. I see this online deal as a bit like a 7-11. I mean, you can find what you're looking for, but if it doesn't seem exactly right, you can run right out and get a new one. What I worry about is that we're not talking about Slurpees but people. cHow disposible are online-based relationships? When do BOTH parties decide that they are going to lay aside the keyboard and give it a real go? Ooooo that's a good blog topic. I'm off to write!
Shazbot - WOW three in one year. Is that just talking and chattiing or are you actually meeting these guys? I can see that as very draining. The candy store analogy is a good one. I see this online deal as a bit like a 7-11. I mean, you can find what you're looking for, but if it doesn't seem exactly right, you can run right out and get a new one. What I worry about is that we're not talking about Slurpees but people. cHow disposible are online-based relationships? When do BOTH parties decide that they are going to lay aside the keyboard and give it a real go? Ooooo that's a good blog topic. I'm off to write!
Hi Shazbot, Thank you for your comment. I get that all the time, the statement contradictory to the action: "I really want a relationship, I'm ready for long term" ad infinitum. I can't blame the guys though. There are a few things we need to think about. 1. How many men have been burned before? My guess is all single people, to some extent, have been burned in relationships, some incredibly. I try to remember this as I talk to new matches, and I try to go gently, but also protect myself. Its a difficult balancing act. One that often gets upturned in the favor of my own self preservation. 2. How many singles are aware of their over-defensive, super-sensitive, hyper-active crap detectors? We are all on the lookout for the jerks, so we aren't taken in again. 3. Having been burned, having been involved with jerks, knowing the signs and red flags, we forget that no one is perfect. There are going to be SOME things that are not indicative of a jerk, but are really just that other person's own over-defensive, super-sensitive, hyper-active crap detector. 4. So we know what NOT to go for. We know what type of personality to shoot down before he/she can become an emotional threat. But, does that mean we know when we have a good one? I find this to be a key in my search. I have a very hard time listening over the wild beeping of my crap detector, to those who speak softly. They aren't full of crap, but my radar says they are and only when it's too late, do I realize it, after I've chased off yet another really good guy. Its very frustrating. Okay, so we have our own issues to muddle through, finding 'The One'. Its all about trust. Having placed our trust in someone unworthy of it enough times in the past that we find it very hard to trust any one, no matter how nice they seem. I'm not saying to trust blindly, I'm saying to hold off judgement. I know how hard this is because it is my number one stumbling block. I don't want to be treated badly, so I drop the guy before he can hurt me. I'm tempted to say it's the same with men. I think some women tend to forget that men have feelings as well, and some men tend to believe that women are over-reacting, drama queens, when really that woman is reacting appropriately to the perceived threat. It's her perception that is off. So, I have been working on turning down my crap detector. It can run in the background and still work fine, but it should not be my number one tester of a good dating candidate. I have a lot of growing to do, I know. I work on it all the time. Every time I find myself over-reacting, I try to take it down a notch. Look objectively at the situation and look at how the other person possibly perceives me, how would I perceive myself, and I don't like what I see. That helps me to keep improving myself, to work toward handling things in a healthier way. I don't give up, because, as they say, practice makes perfect. I'm not striving for perfection, no one can be perfect, but I strive for pretty darn close to perfect. The more I do this, the more I learn, the better I become at maintaining my cool, learning to look at the situation in as unbiased a manner as it is possible to do, being on one side of the situation. I don't get hurt as much, because a lot of that hurt is from perceived wrong doing, and not actual wrong doing. I'm working on my perception and patience. I have gone off on some guys here, but I'm proud to say that each time it was less intense, less 'crazy' more controlled and I was able to rein myself in sooner. I hate that I do go off on these guys, they don't deserve it, but like pavlov's dogs, I'm reacting to a stimulus that has nothing to do with the person I am reacting too. It has to do with my past, relationships that left me scarred, regardless of how I tried to take only the good out of them. My task now is to work to put that past firmly in the past, diminish the scars to as gone as possible. They call it baggage because, like a suitcase, you can carry it around, let it drag you down and wear you out and take all your energy, or you can choose to put it down. Just put it down and walk away. That is the hard part. We get attached to our baggage, it becomes too important to us, a ruling factor in our love-lives and other relationships, and no matter how much we detest the way carrying that baggage around makes us feel, we find it very difficult to put down and walk away from it. Difficult, not impossible. So, I remain positive, with a few negative moments here and there, but getting fewer and farther in between, and less intense. I am learning to put my baggage down for short periods of time and learning to extend those periods of time. Eventually, I'll just forget to pick it up and move on. It is not my fault, or the other person's fault, or anyone's fault, that they have tools that do not work well to help us date successfully. They are the only tools we know of. It is up to each of us to seek out and learn to use the right tools, good tools that don't break and that support success, rather then failure. I have to remember this. I have to remember that a 'jerk' is operating on programming, with crappy tools, and that helps me to not be hurt or angry so much and each time I remember, I deal with it better. I choose not to operate on programming, or with crappy tools. I choose to seek out and find new tools and to learn how to implement them and to become a better dating partner. I know I am not a wonderful person to date, if I were, I wouldn't be on any dating site, I like to think that I'd be happily married. But I also know that I can be wonderful as a dating partner, that I have had my moments to show this, and that is what I strive for on a regular basis because, I want to offer the best of myself so that I can get the best of my dating partner, and together, maybe we can get the best of US, if it comes to that. How many single people here, or anywhere, actually think about it, strive to become better, to offer more, and how many just blame the other person and continue on with out any introspection? The blame game has to stop, and we need to step out of our heads and take a look at ourselves. I know I need to do this and still I sometimes get stuck in the ego-centric thought process that blinds me to other's having lives and motives that do not have anything to do with the desire to hurt or control me. I'm not accusing anyone in particular of any of this. These are just observations and I think they are valid.
Hi Shazbot, Thank you for your comment. I get that all the time, the statement contradictory to the action: "I really want a relationship, I'm ready for long term" ad infinitum. I can't blame the guys though. There are a few things we need to think about. 1. How many men have been burned before? My guess is all single people, to some extent, have been burned in relationships, some incredibly. I try to remember this as I talk to new matches, and I try to go gently, but also protect myself. Its a difficult balancing act. One that often gets upturned in the favor of my own self preservation. 2. How many singles are aware of their over-defensive, super-sensitive, hyper-active crap detectors? We are all on the lookout for the jerks, so we aren't taken in again. 3. Having been burned, having been involved with jerks, knowing the signs and red flags, we forget that no one is perfect. There are going to be SOME things that are not indicative of a jerk, but are really just that other person's own over-defensive, super-sensitive, hyper-active crap detector. 4. So we know what NOT to go for. We know what type of personality to shoot down before he/she can become an emotional threat. But, does that mean we know when we have a good one? I find this to be a key in my search. I have a very hard time listening over the wild beeping of my crap detector, to those who speak softly. They aren't full of crap, but my radar says they are and only when it's too late, do I realize it, after I've chased off yet another really good guy. Its very frustrating. Okay, so we have our own issues to muddle through, finding 'The One'. Its all about trust. Having placed our trust in someone unworthy of it enough times in the past that we find it very hard to trust any one, no matter how nice they seem. I'm not saying to trust blindly, I'm saying to hold off judgement. I know how hard this is because it is my number one stumbling block. I don't want to be treated badly, so I drop the guy before he can hurt me. I'm tempted to say it's the same with men. I think some women tend to forget that men have feelings as well, and some men tend to believe that women are over-reacting, drama queens, when really that woman is reacting appropriately to the perceived threat. It's her perception that is off. So, I have been working on turning down my crap detector. It can run in the background and still work fine, but it should not be my number one tester of a good dating candidate. I have a lot of growing to do, I know. I work on it all the time. Every time I find myself over-reacting, I try to take it down a notch. Look objectively at the situation and look at how the other person possibly perceives me, how would I perceive myself, and I don't like what I see. That helps me to keep improving myself, to work toward handling things in a healthier way. I don't give up, because, as they say, practice makes perfect. I'm not striving for perfection, no one can be perfect, but I strive for pretty darn close to perfect. The more I do this, the more I learn, the better I become at maintaining my cool, learning to look at the situation in as unbiased a manner as it is possible to do, being on one side of the situation. I don't get hurt as much, because a lot of that hurt is from perceived wrong doing, and not actual wrong doing. I'm working on my perception and patience. I have gone off on some guys here, but I'm proud to say that each time it was less intense, less 'crazy' more controlled and I was able to rein myself in sooner. I hate that I do go off on these guys, they don't deserve it, but like pavlov's dogs, I'm reacting to a stimulus that has nothing to do with the person I am reacting too. It has to do with my past, relationships that left me scarred, regardless of how I tried to take only the good out of them. My task now is to work to put that past firmly in the past, diminish the scars to as gone as possible. They call it baggage because, like a suitcase, you can carry it around, let it drag you down and wear you out and take all your energy, or you can choose to put it down. Just put it down and walk away. That is the hard part. We get attached to our baggage, it becomes too important to us, a ruling factor in our love-lives and other relationships, and no matter how much we detest the way carrying that baggage around makes us feel, we find it very difficult to put down and walk away from it. Difficult, not impossible. So, I remain positive, with a few negative moments here and there, but getting fewer and farther in between, and less intense. I am learning to put my baggage down for short periods of time and learning to extend those periods of time. Eventually, I'll just forget to pick it up and move on. It is not my fault, or the other person's fault, or anyone's fault, that they have tools that do not work well to help us date successfully. They are the only tools we know of. It is up to each of us to seek out and learn to use the right tools, good tools that don't break and that support success, rather then failure. I have to remember this. I have to remember that a 'jerk' is operating on programming, with crappy tools, and that helps me to not be hurt or angry so much and each time I remember, I deal with it better. I choose not to operate on programming, or with crappy tools. I choose to seek out and find new tools and to learn how to implement them and to become a better dating partner. I know I am not a wonderful person to date, if I were, I wouldn't be on any dating site, I like to think that I'd be happily married. But I also know that I can be wonderful as a dating partner, that I have had my moments to show this, and that is what I strive for on a regular basis because, I want to offer the best of myself so that I can get the best of my dating partner, and together, maybe we can get the best of US, if it comes to that. How many single people here, or anywhere, actually think about it, strive to become better, to offer more, and how many just blame the other person and continue on with out any introspection? The blame game has to stop, and we need to step out of our heads and take a look at ourselves. I know I need to do this and still I sometimes get stuck in the ego-centric thought process that blinds me to other's having lives and motives that do not have anything to do with the desire to hurt or control me. I'm not accusing anyone in particular of any of this. These are just observations and I think they are valid.
Love without holding back, do not let fear or anger destroy your relationships, laugh often and without reserve, do work that you love, play hard and fair, be generous with your time and attention--it is more precious then platinum, talk out your problems with those who matter most to you, be honest with yourself and with others, try to be kind to all and live as if each moment you will be called to your maker the next. God bless you and good love to you!
I would have to agree that accounting is a more reliable source of income than art. Some accountants have been known to get very creative. LOL. My sister was an art major and she ended up selling title insurance. A guy she went to high school with did become a very famous artist. I can't remember his name but he has his stuff displayed in art museums all over the world.
I would have to agree that accounting is a more reliable source of income than art. Some accountants have been known to get very creative. LOL. My sister was an art major and she ended up selling title insurance. A guy she went to high school with did become a very famous artist. I can't remember his name but he has his stuff displayed in art museums all over the world.
I have just ended yet another promising relationship myself. That makes three so far this year. I hate dating..all the pretense,,,the endless small talk about nothing,,,going over th same boring junk over an over again. All the men I meet say they want to be serious,,but they dont really mean it. They are all like scared little boys..or like a kid on a candy store...waiting to check out the new flavor of the month.
I retreat periodically to lick my wounds then try again. I see other people finding love. I had it before, so I know what I am missing. IOts either try again or be alone, so I try again.
I have just ended yet another promising relationship myself. That makes three so far this year. I hate dating..all the pretense,,,the endless small talk about nothing,,,going over th same boring junk over an over again. All the men I meet say they want to be serious,,but they dont really mean it. They are all like scared little boys..or like a kid on a candy store...waiting to check out the new flavor of the month.
I retreat periodically to lick my wounds then try again. I see other people finding love. I had it before, so I know what I am missing. IOts either try again or be alone, so I try again.
Bill, it is and it isn't work. Its very intensive, time consuming and I can get lost in it, but I can also get burned out, the creativity well runs dry for a while. Yes, I am very lucky that I love my chosen profession, but to be a realist, I'm going to go for a second degree in accounting. Much easier to get a regular job in that field then in art.
Bill, it is and it isn't work. Its very intensive, time consuming and I can get lost in it, but I can also get burned out, the creativity well runs dry for a while. Yes, I am very lucky that I love my chosen profession, but to be a realist, I'm going to go for a second degree in accounting. Much easier to get a regular job in that field then in art.
Love without holding back, do not let fear or anger destroy your relationships, laugh often and without reserve, do work that you love, play hard and fair, be generous with your time and attention--it is more precious then platinum, talk out your problems with those who matter most to you, be honest with yourself and with others, try to be kind to all and live as if each moment you will be called to your maker the next. God bless you and good love to you!
A total of 35 lbs., Sparkler. By Izabel standards that's still only half a dog. LOL. Just think about how lucky you are to have your vocation and avocation all tied up into one package. It almost doesn't sound like work...
A total of 35 lbs., Sparkler. By Izabel standards that's still only half a dog. LOL. Just think about how lucky you are to have your vocation and avocation all tied up into one package. It almost doesn't sound like work...
Thank you for the great advice. I took a break....one whole evening. Maybe I should take a longer break. Though the blues do get pretty heavy at times, they go pretty quickly as well. I don't get mired in it usually. Bill, I have a dog, actually, I have 10. lol. Also, I have 1 cat. The 10 dogs are 4 chihuahua adults at about 6 pounds each, 2 'teenage puppies' about 3 pounds each and 4 puppies at 5 weeks of age just under a pound each. so, added together, that is about thirty-five pounds of dogs, equal to one small to medium sized dog in my mind, so really just one dog. lol But you are right. Pets are wonderful companions and keep me going on days when I'd just like to curl up and doze. I can't, because I have to take care of my dogs and, being small dogs, they are inside 85% of the time. I have to let them out often. They get me out of the house and out of my self when I get down. You know cats, pretty self sufficient and great at helping to keep one's ego from being over-inflated too often. I do also have 'hobbies' that I love, that is my painting, sculpture, and other art. I have not been doing enough of that lately so I will get back to it. I put hobbies in quotes because it really is my profession. At least, I'm working on it being my profession. Thank you Sassnclass for the encouragement. I try to remind myself that each time I'm disappointed, its a good thing if it's early enough that I don't get hurt. Bill, as for not looking, I do get hit on A LOT when I go anywhere, but I'm just not seeing anyone I'd be interested in romantically. Often, when I'd be interested in someone as a friend (male) he wants more and I have to take myself out of it. That is my main problem online, as well. I don't know if I'm just difficult to please or what. Are my expectations of the opposite sex just too high? This aspect is as great an element of the disappointment as when a communication; chat, or email exchange, does not bear any kind of fruit, just withers and dies on the vine. One particularly disappointing event occurred just two days ago. A person, posing as a man looking for a woman, asked me for money. ME! I have no money for one thing and I still have a hard time believing that someone would ask me for money, and for another, I know a scam when I see one. It was very upsetting because this person and I chatted for several days before the request and I was starting to think 'what a nice guy'. When I said no and that he should be ashamed of himself I was told to "F*** off". I reported him to the site I met him on, of course, but it really put a dent in my optimism for online dating. Anyway, thank you all very much for the words of advice and encouragement and I will, no doubt, return to read them if I need another boost to my dating moral. Just now, however, I am feeling pretty good and getting ready to run to town to get some things done. God bless you all!
Thank you for the great advice. I took a break....one whole evening. Maybe I should take a longer break. Though the blues do get pretty heavy at times, they go pretty quickly as well. I don't get mired in it usually. Bill, I have a dog, actually, I have 10. lol. Also, I have 1 cat. The 10 dogs are 4 chihuahua adults at about 6 pounds each, 2 'teenage puppies' about 3 pounds each and 4 puppies at 5 weeks of age just under a pound each. so, added together, that is about thirty-five pounds of dogs, equal to one small to medium sized dog in my mind, so really just one dog. lol But you are right. Pets are wonderful companions and keep me going on days when I'd just like to curl up and doze. I can't, because I have to take care of my dogs and, being small dogs, they are inside 85% of the time. I have to let them out often. They get me out of the house and out of my self when I get down. You know cats, pretty self sufficient and great at helping to keep one's ego from being over-inflated too often. I do also have 'hobbies' that I love, that is my painting, sculpture, and other art. I have not been doing enough of that lately so I will get back to it. I put hobbies in quotes because it really is my profession. At least, I'm working on it being my profession. Thank you Sassnclass for the encouragement. I try to remind myself that each time I'm disappointed, its a good thing if it's early enough that I don't get hurt. Bill, as for not looking, I do get hit on A LOT when I go anywhere, but I'm just not seeing anyone I'd be interested in romantically. Often, when I'd be interested in someone as a friend (male) he wants more and I have to take myself out of it. That is my main problem online, as well. I don't know if I'm just difficult to please or what. Are my expectations of the opposite sex just too high? This aspect is as great an element of the disappointment as when a communication; chat, or email exchange, does not bear any kind of fruit, just withers and dies on the vine. One particularly disappointing event occurred just two days ago. A person, posing as a man looking for a woman, asked me for money. ME! I have no money for one thing and I still have a hard time believing that someone would ask me for money, and for another, I know a scam when I see one. It was very upsetting because this person and I chatted for several days before the request and I was starting to think 'what a nice guy'. When I said no and that he should be ashamed of himself I was told to "F*** off". I reported him to the site I met him on, of course, but it really put a dent in my optimism for online dating. Anyway, thank you all very much for the words of advice and encouragement and I will, no doubt, return to read them if I need another boost to my dating moral. Just now, however, I am feeling pretty good and getting ready to run to town to get some things done. God bless you all!
Love without holding back, do not let fear or anger destroy your relationships, laugh often and without reserve, do work that you love, play hard and fair, be generous with your time and attention--it is more precious then platinum, talk out your problems with those who matter most to you, be honest with yourself and with others, try to be kind to all and live as if each moment you will be called to your maker the next. God bless you and good love to you!
Embrace being single for now and focus on the things you enjoy in life. I'm a firm believer in that things will happen when you least expect them to.
If you feel down and depressed, it will ultimately reflect on the outside. I encourage you to try and stay up beat and vibrant and I bet the right person comes along in no time.
PS. You are not alone in having the "dating blahs." Each experience is different., but you can learn what you want and don't want from each situation. You meet people you think will be great and then something fades. Ultimately you will find your match who will stand through the lean and good times. Please remain hopeful and good luck!
Sass
Bill and Niceguy make great points.
Embrace being single for now and focus on the things you enjoy in life. I'm a firm believer in that things will happen when you least expect them to.
If you feel down and depressed, it will ultimately reflect on the outside. I encourage you to try and stay up beat and vibrant and I bet the right person comes along in no time.
PS. You are not alone in having the "dating blahs." Each experience is different., but you can learn what you want and don't want from each situation. You meet people you think will be great and then something fades. Ultimately you will find your match who will stand through the lean and good times. Please remain hopeful and good luck!
Don't try too hard. Get involved in something else. Try getting into a hobby that you have always thought you wanted to try but never did. Do some charity work. Get a dog and start walking it. There is a reason why they say a dog is a mans best friend. Goes for women too. Do anything you can other than feeling sorry for yourself. When I am not looking is when I meet the most interesting people. Good luck. "This too; shall pass."
Don't try too hard. Get involved in something else. Try getting into a hobby that you have always thought you wanted to try but never did. Do some charity work. Get a dog and start walking it. There is a reason why they say a dog is a mans best friend. Goes for women too. Do anything you can other than feeling sorry for yourself. When I am not looking is when I meet the most interesting people. Good luck. "This too; shall pass."
